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Post by HollyH on Aug 4, 2009 15:50:12 GMT -5
Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then? The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king. Large Man with Dead Body: Why? The Dead Collector: He hasn't got sh*t all over him
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Post by Smiley on Aug 5, 2009 9:27:35 GMT -5
This is a LATE parrot. It's a STIFF! Bereft of Life, it rests in peace.
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Post by complicatedlife on Aug 5, 2009 10:44:18 GMT -5
An apology shown immedaitely after the completion of "Sam Peckinpaugh's Salad Days"...
'THE BBC WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD FOR THE LAST ITEM. IT WAS DISGUSTING AND BAD AND THOROUGHLY DISOBEDIENT AND PLEASE DON'T BOTHER TO PHONE UP BECAUSE WE KNOW IT WAS VERY TASTELESS, BUT THEY DIDN'T REALLY MEAN IT AND THEY DO ALL COME FROM BROKEN HOMES AND HAVE VERY UNHAPPY PERSONAL LIVES, ESPECIALLY ERIC. ANYWAY, THEY'RE REALLY VERY NICE PEOPLE UNDERNEATH AND VERY WARM IN THE TRADITIONAL SHOW BUSINESS WAY AND PLEASE DON'T WRITE IN EITHER BECAUSE THE BBC IS GOING THROUGH AN UNHAPPY PHASE AT THE MOMENT - WHAT WITH ITS FATHER DYING AND THE MORTGAGE AND BBC 2 GOING OUT WITH MEN.'
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Post by Smiley on Aug 5, 2009 11:54:19 GMT -5
BRING US A SHRUBBERY!!!!
... a nice one that's not too big.
I love this thread, it gives me great joy! ;D
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Post by complicatedlife on Aug 5, 2009 13:14:42 GMT -5
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me, I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too. I love to hear you o-ra-lize, When I'm between your thighs, You blow me awaaay.
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you, I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you tru-ly. Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine, If we sit on our faces In all sorts of places And play...'till we're blown awaaaaaaaaaay.
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Post by Smiley on Aug 5, 2009 14:46:06 GMT -5
That's Kev's Fav!!!
She's got HUGE.... TRACKS OF LAND!
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Post by complicatedlife on Aug 5, 2009 15:31:30 GMT -5
That's Kev's Fav!!! She's got HUGE.... TRACKS OF LAND! oh my - I thought I was posting in the "What Are You Thinking Now" thread And now: a letter, a hotel registration book, and a series of photographs, which could add up to divorce, premature retirement, and possible criminal proceedings for a company director in Bromsgrove. He's a freemason, and a conservative M.P., so that's 3,000 pounds please Mr. S... thank you... to stop us from revealing: Your name, The name of the three other people involved, The youth organization to which they belonged, and The shop where you bought the equipment!
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Post by uncleson on Aug 7, 2009 14:01:25 GMT -5
He must be a king. Why? He hasn't got sh*t all over him
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Post by Smiley on Aug 7, 2009 16:11:37 GMT -5
No, it's all right, sir, we don't morally censure, we just want the money....
Yes, and here's the address to send it to:
'BLACKMAIL BEHIND THE HOT WATER PIPES THIRD WASHROOM ALONG VICTORIA STATION'
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Post by HollyH on Aug 8, 2009 0:03:51 GMT -5
He must be a king. Why? He hasn't got nuts all over him You've got to love our censor.
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Post by Smiley on Aug 8, 2009 0:35:00 GMT -5
Singing... I've... got.... ninty thousand Pounds in my pajamas, I've got fifty thousand French Franks in my fridge, I've got lots of lovely Lira and the Deutsche Mark's getting dearer and my Dollar Bills could buy the Brooklyn Bridge! ;D
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Post by uncleson on Aug 12, 2009 12:57:34 GMT -5
Exec #1: Item six on the agenda: "The Meaning of Life" Now uh, Harry, you've had some thoughts on this. Exec #2: Yeah, I've had a team working on this over the past few weeks, and what we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts. One: People aren't wearing enough hats. Two: Matter is energy. In the universe there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person's soul. However, this "soul" does not exist ab initio as orthodox Christianity teaches; it has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved owing to man's unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia. Exec #3: What was that about hats again? Exec #2: Oh, Uh... people aren't wearing enough. Exec #1: Is this true? Exec #4: Certainly. Hat sales have increased but not pari passu, as our research... Exec #3: [Interrupting] "Not wearing enough"? enough for what purpose? Exec #5: Can I just ask, with reference to your second point, when you say souls don't develop because people become distracted... [looking out window] Exec #5: Has anyone noticed that building there before?
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Post by HollyH on Aug 12, 2009 20:14:43 GMT -5
Fourth Bruce: I just want to remind you of the faculty rules: Rule One!
Everybruce: No Poofters!
Fourth Bruce: Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abos in any way at all -- if there's anybody watching. Rule Three?
Everybruce: No Poofters!!
Fourth Bruce: Rule Four, now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking. Rule Five ...
Everybruce: No Poofters!
Fourth Bruce: Rule Six, there is NO ... Rule Six. Rule Seven...
Everybruce: No Poofters!!
Fourth Bruce: Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.
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Post by complicatedlife on Aug 13, 2009 10:27:29 GMT -5
Voice Over: This is Mr Nesbitt of Harlow New Town. Mr Nesbit would you stand up please. (nothing happens) Mr Nesbitt has learnt the first lesson of not being seen. However he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover.
(the bush explodes; cut to a shot of three bushes)
Mr. E.V. Lambert of 'Homeleigh', The Burrows, Oswestry, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out.
(the left-hand bush explodes, then the right-hand bush explodes, finally the middle bush explodes; there is a muffled scream; the smoke subsides)
Yes it was the middle one.
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Post by Smiley on Aug 16, 2009 0:19:13 GMT -5
Whatcha got there? A Piston Engine A Piston Engine – Whatcha buy that for? It was a Bargain.
Now it's time for the Penguin on top of your television to EXPLODE!!!!
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